Lessons Learned
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Killian tells Emma the stories of his scars. She's got a few of her own to share.


**Look, I'm alive! My life's been a little crazy, what with the job and driving school, not to mention the fact that the show is back and I spend all my free time fangirling over it. Still, I couldn't resist writing a little something to tide you over until I start that new long fic I have spinning in my head... it'll be a while until I do, though. Anyway, thank you for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma lies in Killian's narrow bed, tucked between his side and the wall of his cabin, her fingers tracing lazy paths in his chest hair. She feels sated and wonderfully weightless, loving the pressure of his hand on her hip as his ship rocks gently on the waves.

"What's on your mind, Swan?" He asks, his voice low but different than it usually is; gone is the seductive tone, replaced with something else, something vulnerable and open that easily coaxes the truth from her.

"I was just wondering how did you get this?" She asks him and traces her index finger against a thin red scar on his left bicep; all the other marks on his body look faded and old, but this one looks fresh, and the only reasonable explanation is that he'd gotten it in the year they've been apart.

Killian lifts his arm to look at the scar, and when he lays it back down Emma wraps her fingers around his bicep and caresses the raised skin with her thumb while he contemplates his answer.

She can tell that it's not a question of whether he can remember or not; it's a question of whether he wants to talk about it.

"Is it really embarrassing?" She asks to lighten the mood because he looks so devastated all of a sudden, staring at the ceiling of his cabin and gripping her hip a little bit too tight. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me."

"I went back to the beanstalk", he finally speaks and Emma feels a shiver race down her spine when she remembers the towering length of it, and how quick the ascend into the clouds had seemed with him by her side.

"You climbed it again and cut your arm", Emma says and he sighs, then turns his head and looks at her, the corner of his mouth lifting into a half-smile.

"Aye, I did", he agrees and she leans down to kiss him, trying to wipe away the lingering pain that haunts him still; sometimes he dreams about the year he spent without her, and when he wakes up his eyes always look as haunted as they do now.

"Why did you?" She asks him softly, not wanting to push too hard even if she thinks it would help him to talk about it.

The year they've been apart is still a great mystery to her.

"Because I missed you. Because I convinced myself that there had to be more beans up there. Because I was a stubborn fool", he says and gives her a sad smile, his hand rising to brush away a lock of hair away from her shoulder.

Emma doesn't really know what to say to that, so she kisses him again.

"You're not a fool", she whispers against his lips and decides to distract him with another question, brushing her lips against the scar on his cheek. "How did you get this?"

"Liam was trying to teach me how to sword fight. With real swords", Killian says and smiles fondly at the memory.

"He was your brother?" Emma asks and he nods, staring off at space as he tells her how their father yelled at them both for half an hour before he took them in his arms and held them tight.

"He didn't even hit us, and God knows we deserved it; that's how glad he was we didn't hurt each other worse", he finishes the story and she rests her palm on his chest, debating on whether or not to ask the next question. "Out with it, Swan."

"Is that how you got the scars on your back?"

"Some of them, yes. My father wasn't a bad man, but he was impatient and strict, which is probably the most volatile combination", Killian tells her and rubs her shoulder with his fingers, his lips stretching into a bright smile. "Lighten up, love. It was a long time ago."

"What about the other scars?"

"A lifetime of storms aboard a ship", he says and wraps both his arms around her waist. "The sea is a harsh mistress."

"Good thing you have a new mistress now", Emma points out and Killian chuckles, pulling her closer for another kiss that leaves her a little dizzy and aching for more.

"I don't have a mistress, lass", he tells her, looking up at her with those honest blue eyes the way another man would look at a room full of treasure.

"You don't? What am I, then?" She asks with a pout, feeling so young and new and unbroken when he's holding her, watching her and loving her like this.

"You are my true love", he answers and she smiles; once upon a time his admission would send her running, but those days are gone and all but forgotten.

"I love you", she tells him and scoots a little lower on the bed so she can kiss a messy scar between his ribs on the right side of his chest. "What about this one?"

"Rumplestiltskin", he says and brushes his thumb against her downturned mouth. "With my own sword."

"I'm sorry", she whispers and decides that she'd poked through his painful memories enough.

"It's alright", he tells her and combs his fingers through her hair, then pokes her shoulder with his stump. "You're not going to ask me about this?"

"I already know how it happened", she says and glances at the jagged scar. "Gold cut off your hand."

"That's not how I got the scar", he tells her and follows her gaze, then shakes himself and looks away. "But there's been enough gruesome stories for tonight. I don't want to give you nightmares."

"Wait", Emma says quickly and cups his cheek in her palm, forcing him to look at her. "Do you want to tell me what happened? Because I just assumed you wouldn't want to, and now it seems-"

"I never talked about it before", he says softly and Emma is completely overwhelmed with both the amount of love she feels for this beautiful, brave, broken man who wears his heart on his sleeve and the unavoidable urge to do everything in her power to help him feel better.

If that can be accomplished by listening how the love of her life lost his hand, then she's gladly going to do it.

"You can tell me."

"Are you sure?" He asks, giving her a way out, one last chance to back away even though he can't hide the yearning in his eyes because he'd finally found the person he wants to share the burden of his memories with.

"Out with it, pirate", she murmurs and kisses him, trying to infuse him with strength.

"Alright", he finally says and takes a deep breath, opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

Emma presses her lips to his cheek and lies down with her head on his shoulder, her leg sliding between his and her arm wrapping around him tightly; she doesn't talk, patiently waiting to see if he's going to find the words to tell her what he never told another soul.

"When Rumplestiltskin found me and challenged me to a duel, all I could think about was how to keep Milah as far away from him as possible", he begins and Emma tilts her head back to press a kiss against his neck, staying quiet and patient every time his voice catches. "She was suspicious when I told her that there was something I had to do alone, but she didn't press the issue; I should've known she wouldn't let it go just like that."

Emma thinks that she should feel at least a little bit jealous listening to Killian talk about the woman he had loved for centuries, but if anything, she's grateful; if there wasn't for Milah, he wouldn't have lived long enough to meet Emma, and she doesn't even want to think about where she would be without him.

"When she found us, the Dark One had his hand buried in my chest, and he was moments away from pulling out my heart, but her arrival derailed him and he satisfied himself with digging my own sword between my ribs", he says and Emma closes her eyes, her hand caressing up and down his arm because she knows the worst is yet to come. "Milah offered him a deal, and we went back to the ship, to this ship actually, so we could make the exchange."

Killian pauses, and when she rests her palm against his chest, she can feel his heart jumping against it, so she sits up next to him, her eyes finding his and silently telling him that he doesn't have to go on if it's too hard.

He gives her a crooked little smile and soldiers on, so Emma settles back down, wishing she hadn't started with the questions at all.

But it's too late for regret now.

"For a moment it seemed like he'd let us go, just take his precious bean and disappear in a cloud of smoke, but… but I guess he couldn't stand knowing that she was happy with me", he says and wraps both arms around Emma, holding her close for a long, long time.

"I'm sorry", she whispers, and in that moment, she genuinely is because she can feel his pain, and she would give everything to spare him from it, even if thinking about being without him is making her heart stutter in her chest.

"Losing my hand didn't hurt half as much as losing Milah did", he says and Emma slides her fingers down his arm until they wrap around his stump, and then she holds on as he tells her what it had taken for him to survive that kind of a wound in the Enchanted Forest.

When he finishes, they are both shaking like leaves, holding onto each other until they can breathe again.

"You alright, Swan?" He asks, his voice hesitant as if he's expecting her to pull away, so Emma stretches up and presses her lips to the underside of his jaw, her knuckles caressing his cheek.

"I'm fine. I'm glad you told me", she says and pulls the covers over them both, smiling when he kisses the top of her head and thanks her for listening.

He's incredibly sweet for a pirate, and Emma doesn't think she's ever going to get enough of this, of the intimacy of being with him, of the comfort and joy his embrace brings her, of the heady feeling she gets every time she's with him.

She'll never get enough of his love and how wonderful it feels to be falling asleep on the shoulder of her true love, his scent and arms wrapped around her like a favorite blanket.

* * *

Killian knows that he's not the only one with scars, but unlike him, his Swan wears them as jewelry wrapped around her slender wrist and neck, and built into the wall around her heart that he'd spent months trying to climb over.

The wall is still there, only he's on the right side of it, the only living person she'd let inside and allowed him the access to her heart.

A few nights after they explored his memories Killian is sitting against the headboard of his bed with Emma between his legs, her back leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist. Her hair is a wild mess spilling over her shoulders and hiding her breasts from his hungry eyes, and he briefly wonders if he's ever going to get enough of her.

Probably not.

Killian presses a kiss against her cheek and she hums contentedly, burrowing deeper into his embrace and letting her head fall back against his shoulder.

Funny thing is, he'd spent a long time admiring her from afar, watching every move she made, and he'd come to the conclusion that she doesn't like being touched; she's stringy with hugs and caresses with everybody except him, and Killian still gets a little flustered when she kisses him in front of her parents or sits on his lap while her father glares at him, silently warning him to keep both his hands to himself unless he wants to lose the only real one he has.

When they are alone, Emma is like a kitten, wrapping herself around him and kissing every part of him she can reach, her fingers caressing his skin ceaselessly, nondiscriminatory, lovingly; if anything, she pays more attention to his scars than she does the rest of him and he wishes he could put into words what it means to him.

He says it with open-mouthed kisses against her neck and the tightening of his arms around her, and he thinks she knows.

Emma wraps her fingers around his wrist and caresses the back of his hand with her thumb, her nose pressing against his neck as she breathes him in.

"What does it mean?" He asks her softly and turns his hand so their palms are pressed together and his thumb is covering the thin string of rope around her wrist. "You never take it off."

Emma goes still, and he curses himself for being so blunt, so he kisses her temple and tells her that it's alright, that they don't have to talk about it if it hurts too much.

"I was trying to figure out a way to bring it up since the other night", she tells him softly and he waits patiently until she continues. "It's a shoelace; it belonged to a man named Graham… he was the Sheriff before me, and he was my friend."

"Was?" Killian prompts her gently and shifts her in his arms so she's cradled against his bad arm, his hand cupping her cheek, his fingers ready to wipe away her tears if she cries.

Emma's eyes are misty, but she holds herself together, her fingers wrapping around the pendants hanging around his neck, her gaze avoiding his as she speaks.

"Regina killed him because he chose me over her", Emma says and closes her eyes for a moment before she lifts them to his and gives him a sad little smile that makes him want to tear the Queen limb for limb for what she'd done to his love. "I wear it to remind myself that somebody chose me, even if it cost him his life. Is that horrible?"

"Not at all", Killian breathes, his throat getting tight at her tentative question.

"I think that's why I was so scared when you kept choosing me", she tells him and tightens her grip on his pendants. "I didn't want to lose you too."

"You're never going to lose me, love", he tells her and kisses away the frown on her forehead, wishing she would let herself believe him. "If there's one thing I excel at, it's surviving."

"You better", she whispers and he winks at her, the shadows in her eyes slowly retreating.

Killian takes her hand in his and pries her fingers from around the pendants, kissing the indentations on her palm and the heel of her hand, his nose brushing against the worn shoelace; Emma shivers and he hugs her closer to him, both his arms wrapping around her.

"Do you want to hear the stories about my necklaces?" She asks him almost shyly, her fingers playing with the swan pendant hanging around her neck, and even though he'd rather spare her this pain, he just can't deny her anything.

"Of course."

"Neal stole this keychain for me", she begins, glancing down at it with wistful expression. "I only started wearing it around my neck after I got out from jail as a reminder never to trust anybody."

Killian caresses her trembling chin with his thumb and brushes his knuckles against her cheek, admiring her strength and courage and thanking his lucky stars for allowing him to live so long to find her and love her the way she was meant to be loved.

"It's why I left you up on the beanstalk", she says and gives him a half-smile, her eyes apologizing because she can't do it with words. "You didn't give me a single reason to doubt you, but I just couldn't make myself trust you."

"It's alright, love. I understand", he gives her absolution even though she didn't ask for it.

"Does it bother you that I'm wearing it again?" She asks him tentatively, and when their eyes meet he realizes that she's going to take it off if he tells her it does.

"Does my tattoo bother you?" He asks her and she reaches for his hand, her thumb tracing the outline of Milah's name that he had branded on his skin a long time ago.

"It doesn't", she says and he smiles at her, his fingers ghosting against her collarbone before he tangles them in her hair.

"There's your answer."

"I trust you now", she tells him like an afterthought and he dips her back, kissing her for a long time, until they are both breathless and her cheeks are flushed prettily.

He can't resist kissing her nose, laughing at the way she scrunches it before she stretches up and presses a lingering kiss to his neck.

"What about this one?" He asks her and slips his index finger under the circle resting against her chest underneath the swan pendant.

"I got it from my adoptive parents for my birthday", she whispers and her mouth turns down at the corners, her voice catching on the last word. "A week later they told me that they are going to have their own baby and sent me back to the orphanage."

"Oh Swan", he murmurs and she blinks furiously, but it doesn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks; even though his fingertips can't stop them, Killian is a patient man, and he doesn't rest, brushing them away until they all run dry.

"Maybe I should take it off now that I have parents who love me… maybe I should let the pain go, forgive and forget, but I just don't know how", she says and looks at him as if he's got all the answers.

Her trust in him still throws him sometimes, but instead of frightening him, it makes him feel stronger.

"When the time comes, you're going to figure it out", he tells her and Emma nods faintly, then gives him a secret smile that lights up his whole world.

"Maybe I can give it to our baby, if it's a girl", she says and for a long minute he goes perfectly still, just looking at her and trying to figure out if he's scared or elated.

"You mean-"

"I wasn't gonna say anything because I still haven't seen the doctor and I didn't want to frighten you unnecessary in case the test was a false-positive", she tells him and lays her hand against his chest in an attempt to slow down his racing heart.

"Frighten me? Lass, this is the best news I've got in my entire bloody life", he chokes out and her lips stretch into a beaming smile.

"Really?"

"Yes. Even if the prince is going to kill me when he finds out", he says, all the color draining from his face.

Emma laughs and kisses his shoulder, telling him that her father wouldn't lay a finger on him.

"I'm not so certain", Killian says and presses his palm against her stomach, imagining a tiny lad or lass floating around inside his love, growing a little every day.

"Trust me. He knows you love me and Henry, and besides, he was a shepherd before he became a prince, so I don't think he's got any right to begrudge you your pirate roots", Emma says and Killian lifts his eyebrow at this new piece of information about his mate.

"A shepherd, hm?"

"You can't tell him I told you", Emma says quickly and covers his hand with hers. "But you're happy?"

"I'm very, very happy", Killian tells her and showers her face with kisses, and he decides that the sound of Emma Swan giggling is his favorite sound in the world.

* * *

Eight months later Emma gives birth to a beautiful baby girl they name Nessa, and as soon as Killian sits on the bed next to her Emma lies their daughter in the crook of his bad arm, kissing her forehead and reaching up to unclasp the chain of the necklace that's been hanging around her neck for far too long.

"She's so beautiful", Killian says, his eyes caressing Nessa's face, his hand cupping her head carefully to make sure he's holding her safely before he looks at Emma, his eyes widening when he notices what she's holding in her hand.

"She is. We did good, daddy", Emma says and wipes away a few tears that escape her, smiling when Killian leans closer to kiss her temple.

"Check my pocket", he tells her and Emma gives him a quizzical look that's completely lost on him because he's too busy staring at their daughter, then reaches around him and slips her hand into the right pocket of his leather jacket.

Her fingers close around a suede box and she takes it out giddily, looking at him for approval.

"You're going to have to open it, love", he says and tilts his head toward Nessa with a goofy smile. "My hands are a little full at the moment."

Emma looks in the box and finds a new necklace inside, three golden letters hanging from it; H for Henry, K for Killian and N for Nessa.

"Do you like it?" Killian asks her softly and she wraps her arms around him, holding on for a moment before she pulls away and fastens Killian's necklace around her neck.

"Thank you", she tells him and puts her adoptive parents' necklace into the box, then hesitates for a moment before she reaches for the swan necklace and takes that off too.

"Lass, you don't have to-"

"I want to", Emma says and she feels light and carefree now that there's no reminders of her painful history weighing her down.

"As you wish", Killian murmurs and looks down at their sleeping baby again, his fingers enveloping her arm, his thumb caressing her tiny fist.

Emma leans her head on his shoulder and sifts the pendants hanging around her neck through her fingers, feeling like everything is finally where it's supposed to be.

Five minutes later her parents come in with Henry and her baby brother, and she thinks that there's more happiness in this room than anyone deserves.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Killian hands Mary Margaret their daughter and wraps his arm around Emma, his forget-me-not eyes dancing with joy when he smiles down at her.

_You deserve the world_, his eyes say and Emma reaches for his hand, entwining her fingers with his and watching her parents admire their granddaughter while Henry and James stare at her with identical reverent expressions.

Killian kisses the top of Emma's head and she finally allows herself to acknowledge the fact that something inside her had suspected all along that he'd be the one to give the world to her.

And now he did.

* * *

All the sleepless nights Emma had missed with Henry come around to haunt her with Nessa, but this time she's not alone, and as soon as their baby cries Killian jumps out of bed and goes to get her; Emma is still trying to wake herself up when he comes back, cooing to their daughter until Emma is sitting against the headboard, ready to feed her.

"Careful", Killian murmurs as he leans down so Emma can take Nessa, still a little frightened that he's going to drop her because it's the middle of the night and his fake hand is lying on the bedside table.

"Stop fussing", Emma tells him mildly and takes their daughter from him, smiling when Nessa starts sucking greedily without even opening her eyes. "You're not gonna drop her."

"Yeah, that's why I'm careful", Killian says and lies next to Emma again, his hand sneaking under her shirt and resting against her stomach.

Emma sort of freezes and he looks at her askance, lifting the shirt despite her protests and pressing a kiss to the scar left from her C-section.

"Don't do that", she admonishes and tries to push his head away, but he persists and keeps kissing her stomach until she finally relaxes. "It's ugly."

"It's beautiful."

"Killian-"

"You're beautiful", he tells her and he can practically hear her rolling her eyes. "It's your battle wound."

Every time he sees her scar, he's reminded of how lucky he is because without the doctors' quick reaction, he could've lost both Emma and their baby.

"I didn't really do anything", she points out and he lifts his eyebrow, tilting his head toward Nessa.

"You carried her for nine months, Swan, and you're the one who went through a lot of pain to bring her to this world, so I'd say you did a lot, and this scar is something you should be proud of", he tells her and Emma looks overwhelmed for a moment, then tangles her fingers in his hair and closes her eyes while Nessa eats.

Afterwards, Killian carries their daughter back to the nursery and stands next to her crib for a while, just watching her breathe, then returns to Emma's side and slides into bed behind her, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her against him.

"You're beautiful", he whispers against her ear and she turns around so that her face is hidden in his neck, her silky hair brushing against his cheek.

"So are you", she tells him and he smiles, kisses her temple and slides his handless arm underneath her to keep her in the circle of his arms.

"I prefer handsome."

"I love you", Emma says and sighs contentedly, her legs tangling with his and her palm pressing against the small of his back; he tells her he loves and sifts his fingers through her hair until she falls asleep.

He loves her more than he can ever say.

* * *

**Review?**


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